How Do I Get Him Off My Mind?

The truth is I want to move on. I have moved on. I’m in a new relationship now, a healthy relationship. He treats me well. We want the same things. I know God sent him into my life. I honestly believe he is my future. I feel like he is someone I can have it all with.. passion, chemistry, a healthy relationship, trust, commitment, a life together.

That was never going to happen for Justin and I. I knew from the first moment I met him that he would only be around for a short time but it would be fantastic and life altering. That it was, in so many ways. I believe that everyone who comes into our lives has something to teach us, and in turn has something to learn from us.

Turned out that I was correct about him only being around for a short time but I figured he’d graduate from the Fire Academy, leave his construction job and head off to NYC to work with the New York Fire Department.

However as the time grew I learned more and more about Justin. He had a very troubled past. He had been laid off from his construction work right after I met him.

He was a damn good firefighter but easily distracted by other pursuits. After what was probably months of drinking, and partying way too much, he eventually failed an academy required test and washed out.

The deeper into this relationship I got with Justin the more frightening things I learned. Prior arrest and conviction for cocaine possession and sale, porn addiction, alcohol addiction—and he was only 20 at the time.

After washing out of the fire academy he struggled to find work. I paid for everything. When he did have money he paid those he owed back which meant very little left over.

I knew we had no future but the present we had was mind blowingly passionate. It was a love I’ve never experienced before. I knew his secrets and he knew all of mine. He loved me no matter what, and would never give up on me. I’ve never had someone love me like that. It was beautiful and scary and exciting and frustrating.. I still call him my beautiful disaster. What we had was crazy beautiful.

I loved him too… past and all. It was the present I had trouble dealing with. He eventually started working steadily but I still found myself paying for 90% of our life together. He tended to be irresponsible with his money. I handled it, but with some bitterness in my heart. Still, I loved him passionately, no matter what.

Eventually he began drinking more and more and I couldn’t have that around my children, so we split. He went on to get into legal trouble again, so now I feel uncomfortable having any contact with him at all. I feel there will never be a chance for us again. I won’t put my child custody in jeopardy by being associated with someone out on bail for drug charges.

It’s one of those relationships where you can love that man with your entire soul, but it’s never going to work. It makes me sad. He’s one of the closest friends I’ve ever had.

So I moved on. I’m in a relationship with this fantastic man, and planning a future together.. but Justin is still on my mind. Normally I think about him now and then. That’s natural, but sometimes it starts to become a constant thing. I can’t get him out of my head.

Justin and I have a special sort of psychic connection. My intuition, my gift, has been stronger with him than anyone I’ve ever known. I have dreamt about where he’s going, although it made no sense to me, and he told no one.

I’ve predicted an intense event that was going to happen with us minutes before we got the call. I’ve even had an argument about him talking to his ex-girlfriend too much (I didn’t have any evidence or anything) but it turns out I was right, as she called right in the middle of our argument.

It’s like that old song “Radar Love” by Golden Earring. Usually when I can’t get him out of my mind, there’s a reason for it.

So that’s happening now. I did contact him and he’s having a tough tim. He says he misses me so so much. I let him know what’s going on in my life and how I’ve met this new man.

Now my question is, how do I turn it off? Honestly part of me doesn’t want to shut it off. This connection is something I cherish. He’s someone I love deeply. However, I feel like I should switch it off if I can.

My new man has an old girlfriend with a similar connection. She dreamt about him just the other day and called him to make him promise he’d follow his intuition no matter what. I’m not threatened by that, so why should I feel like I owe it to him to cut off all communication with Justin?

I suppose I’ll go on ignoring those thoughts as much as I can. I know it takes time for feelings to simmer down, even when I’m in a new relationship. I’ve had lingering feelings about a past love while moving forward in a new relationship and eventually those feelings changed or went away. Then I went on to fall deeper in love with my current man.

This time is different though. That psychic connection wasn’t like this before.

So, how do I do it? How does a person wrap up, shut off, block out “radar love”? Is it even possible?